Today I was a witness to an event few people will ever have the privilege of beholding.

I went into a Shell station this morning to use their restroom. There was one toilet and one urinal. The thing I needed to do required the toilet. While I was doing the thing I needed to do a man walked into the restroom wearing blue sweatpants and sandals.

From underneath the stall wall I could see him walk up to the urinal in a most conventional way. Then he turned around and faced away from the urinal in a most un-conventional way. Then I heard sounds. Sounds that would indicate a very highly un-conventional use of a urinal. Then I heard someone walk in the door and immediately walk out. Then I heard two flushes. Then he started over for another pass as it were. Then two more flushes and an exit.

Surely he didn’t just…

Upon exiting the stall I learned that oh yes he did.

For those of you who have never used a men’s restroom I might remind you that there is no toilet paper at the urinals.

I saw the guy in the parking lot talking to his family like nothing had ever happened. I imagine he’s going to have some splainin’ to do the next time his wife does the laundry.