Realizing that most of my readers only hang around for the delicious recipes and insightful movie reviews I will now continue with my blistering pace of one movie review a year.

But first, a delicious recipe. The secret sauce on Steak-n-Shake’s Frisco Melts is one part 1,000 Island dressing and one part French dressing. You’re welcome.

Back to the movies. Angel and I just watched the worst movie ever made. The highest degree of hyperbole cannot over-state the vastness of horridity that is The Happening.

Angel and I kept pausing the movie to discuss whether or not it was a spoof or some kind of homage to Ed Wood. Maybe it’s a genre film? A tribute film? Does anyone do tributes to some genre where nobody knows how to act or write or direct? Is this a comedy?

This is a horror film. Wait, let me re-punctuate that. This is a horror film? What kind of horror film has you laughing hysterically through the whole thing and a gag real that doesn’t even elicit one single chuckle?

We even watched the special features to see if M. Night spoke about the kitschy B movies he was trying to emulate. He was trying to emulate those right? ‘Cause he flippin’ nailed it…hard! All he talked about in the special features was how dark this movie was and how they were really trying to go for a “hard R” rating. The only reason this got an R rating was because it was so incredibly offensive to our sense of taste. Any person with opposable thumbs should be outraged.

Go rent it now. Witness the spectacle.

Mark Wahlberg was the lead in this movie and I want to use him as a segway into this next thing. 

[segway] Mark Wahlberg [segway]

There are a few SNL-isms that have made their way into my home and vocabulary. The “Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals” skit was one of those skits that make you laugh the first time you see them and the more you see them the funnier they are. This skit has added “Now I’m gonna talk to a goat” to my arsenal of one-liners that nobody thinks are funny but me. SNL fans will also understand why “I said we” is another one I try to use as often as possible.